I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
