I faked an abortion last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
