i just sent this text using only my big toe
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
