What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
