She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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