When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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