its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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