I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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