dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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