singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Drunk is not a location!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
