and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize