goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
