we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you had me at cake vodka
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize