so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize