Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
bring money and cleavage
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're too hungover to prance.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
