While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
