My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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