i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
