i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
