Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize