I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your cock deserves a montage
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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