I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
honey bunches of taint.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
