just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
