I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
