Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
