my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
