Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
