I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
