Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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