i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
