If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
