He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
