I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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