And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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