My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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