i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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