this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
