today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This baby is an asshole
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
