I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
