I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
