I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
