how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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