I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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