I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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