omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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