there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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