All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
