let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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