I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
