You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
BRING THE BAGELS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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