Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
