then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
