I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
