im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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