I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
