I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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