Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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