They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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