I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
