she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize