please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
