Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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