gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
