All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
