I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
