everyone is single if you try hard enough
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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