I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
